Tag Archives: Ed

Sunday #12

What is this, a Sunday blog? It wasn’t supposed to be this way!

I’m not going to dwell on it, though, just gotta keep posting when I can.

I haven’t learned much, mostly because it takes half the class twice as long to keep up, but I’m getting through it. It can get a little aggravating, or more often boring.

Writing these posts should really be a morning thing, I’m just out of it at the end of the day. I can’t believe I used to do all of my writing overnight. I can’t even imagine staying up all night anymore. It’s sad, in a way.

I sometimes get these panic moments where I wonder if I should be doing this job in general. What’s that line from Fight Club? “Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate so we can buy shit we don’t need.” Not that I should really be listening that hard to Tyler Durden.

I get the sense that this kind of job would be a lot more bearable, more acceptable, if I had a family of my own, that is that I somehow joined or created without the family that came before me. I notice all these other people I work with, they have children, husbands or wives, boyfriends or girlfriends. I see these people and I try to figure out how I fit in, if I do at all. It’s a struggle.

Finding the motivation for living is a tricky thing, and I’m trying. I can’t get over this sense of dread that I’ll never really figure it out, though. I keep going, but why? I don’t know.

I try to picture myself in these scenarios with other people, but it always looks fake and unnatural. I always feel like I shouldn’t be so lonely, but when I think about it I almost have to consider myself lucky that I am. Imagine how fucked up my life would be if I actually had to care about other people. Could I even do it? How long before I get totally bored and have to pretend I’m interested in this other person? I see that all the time too, so I can’t really feel that bad about myself.

Then again, it’s only after you’ve lost everything that you’re free to do anything.

Sunday #10

10 weeks!

But it’s really been more like 8.

I didn’t bring my laptop with me the last two weeks, mostly because of a lack of sleep and a case of sickness.

I just didn’t feel like working, you know? I certainly didn’t feel like leaving 2 hours early to write this blog. I had a hard enough time getting out the door on time for my actual job.

It’s a bad habit though, this not writing thing.

Since I haven’t had my computer, and I haven’t been writing, why have I spent any money at Starbucks? It’s just stupid, now that I think about it. Here’s hoping that next year, I can write off all that coffee on my taxes.

Speaking of, I just finished last year’s taxes, and I should get $34 back! Ugh.

It is pretty expensive though, this coffee habit. It’s good to have some place to work and so on, but is it worth the money I don’t have? Probably not.

But if I don’t go to Starbucks, what will happen to this blog?

I guess I’ll keep going until I run out of cash on my Starbucks card.

So what’s to look forward to?

I feel like I still owe you a review for Casa De Mi Padre and John Carter. I’ll get to it. Also, last week, in spite of my sickness, I went and saw Lockout at an advance screening. I wrote about Ghost Rider, I can write about Lockout.

It’s the beginning of a new season for many TV shows, specifically anime. There’s at least a few shows I want to watch, and I should find the time to talk about them here.  Sometime this week I’ll come up with a post of what I’m looking forward to, at least.

Also, in the last two weeks, Major League Baseball has started back up. I’m not sure if there’s much for me to say about it yet, but maybe I can come up with something.

Anyway, it’s already pretty late, and this post has too many short paragraphs. I think it’s time for bed. Goodnight everybody.